Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
