hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
