so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
