So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
