i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
