My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
