As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I AM VODKA MAN
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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