they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
