I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
