glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
