i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
