Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
