my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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