my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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