i think my mom watched the whole time
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
