She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
