There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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