Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
