i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
