he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
