everyone is single if you try hard enough
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
