I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
