I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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