How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
