dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
