my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
