He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
