woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
