So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you traded sex for a burrito?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
