he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
