This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
