I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Damn victory sex feels great
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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