OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
