Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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