please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
