new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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