Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
