I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
