I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
