Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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