Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
