Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
