my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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