I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
two words: eviction party
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
