Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
