I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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