on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
