She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
