i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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