Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
