Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
