I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
