I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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